How'd I get here?

As a 16 year old, I would never have guessed that I would be where I am today. I am married, I have two kids and I have yet to finish my college degree. I am overweight and have a divorce under my belt. All of this combined makes me want to wince. The great thing is, I am alive and I have the ability to change those things in my life which I do not like. I think that overall, this will be the subject of my blog... Those positive changes in my life and what I am doing to make them happen. What do I want to change?

1) I want to lose 60 pounds. Yes, this is a huge amount of weight, roughly 30% of my complete body weight and equal to my childrens' combined weight. I want to lose this weight because I don't like being so big. All my life, I have struggled with body image issues. I recognize that the physical transformation is just the beginning, but every story needs a beginning... Today, I weigh 203lbs and my waist is 38.5". Once a month, around the 19th, I'll repost with where I am. It is my hope that this will keep me accountable and encourage others to recognize that they are not alone.

2) I want to get my AA and eventually my BA. Right now I am somewhere in my sophmore year, which means I am close. I love writing, literature and history, so although I don't know what my major will be today I would guess that it will be in one of those three areas.

3) I want to be a good wife and mother. I'm not saying that I am bad in those roles today, just that I recognize there is room for improvement. We are an Army family and there are stresses that we go through that I want to be able to lovingly guide my family through. My role is one of support and encouragement, I need to embrace those two ideas and create a family where love is in the center.

4) I want to be able to guide my daughter through the next few years. She is at a vulnerable age and being sent back and forth between myself and my exhusband. This is not at all what I envisioned when I left him, but I need to teach her to embrace the hardship and make the most out of it. I am coming to the realization that my exhusband is my cross.

With all the things that I don't like about my life or myself, I am pleased to be in the position to love and care for my family. I could gush and say that my husband is wonderful and amazing, but anyone who is in a real marriage would know that this is the candy coated version. We do things that irritate each other and sometimes I would love to throw the hardest object I could find at him. We love each other and more importantly, we are committed to each other and our family. He is my best friend and at my most vulnerable moments he is there with the emotional strength that I lack. That means something to me. As for my kids, I love them... I can't imagine how I could not love these two obnoxious and endearing creatures that I carried inside of me and nourished at my breast. On days that I am sick or upset, they are what cause me to get out of bed. They, like me, are imperfect, but they are a gift from God and I try to cherish them.